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Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Subject:back in action
Time:2:46 am.
Mood: sleepy.
so i haven't been on livejournal in years...literally. I don't know if i just lost interest or if things really slowed down. Life has changed over and over again. I dont even know where to begin... i really started smoking weed on a more regular basis, i need a lot less pain medicine when i smoke a bowl..... which in my opinion is much better for you than presription pain pills. i don't think anyone will read this but if they do I want you to know that my spelling and grammar is probably shit because of my medicine... i was just diagnosed with brain cancer. nothing is for sure, nothing in life is handed to you. we are all blessed to be here. anyways i feel strange and i wish i had more to tell you about my treatment not much is decided. you're all more than welcome to ask me any questions you want open and honest.

please check out my fundraiser my mom has had to pay a lot of my medical bills and become my nurse i want to help her and myself fight this. xoxo


http://fundrazr.com/campaigns/8I9f9?psid=4d4d52e755b949ac88ee5d3319ddfb75
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Wednesday, April 25th, 2007

Subject:whooooaaaa
Time:11:20 pm.
ok i decided to delete my old entries... except for a few that i thought were ok.


but really nothing that was on here described what i was like at all anymore. god i used to be so fucking over dramatic.


stopped drinking, stopped doing drugs. im starting school

yay!!!! beauty school, im cool like that. im sure later when i have more to say ill write something more interesting than this.
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Thursday, December 29th, 2005

Subject:something i wrote
Time:2:33 am.
Mood: depressed.
My real life pornography
I want to feel you inside of me.
i'm your whore
and it's all i want to be.
Feel me up
I'm a toy in a department store.
Being such a fraud
I'm easier than before.
I'm nothing like i started.
The biggest inconsistency
touching all your infectious holes.
Finding my disgusting beauty.
Poor adaptations.
Discovered in my inebriation
Cut me open,
I wont care.
I'm the distant smell of flowers
in your hair.
I'm the biggest mistake you made here.
Pull me apart and reveal the nothing inside.
My indecision is a place to hide.
Allow me to take you for a ride
get off and neglect what's inside.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, November 1st, 2005

Subject:welllll
Time:7:51 pm.
Mood: cranky.
my mom asked me the weirdest thing yesterday.... its halloween.....i was sitting around sick and bored, watching a movie and she comes in with her high pitched annoying ass voice and says "WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING HUNNY???" im like "a movie" and she sits on my bed and starts to watch it with me..... waht the fuck is she doing?? she never stays in my room more than 2 minutes. she starts watching the movie and out of no where she asks "DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE DEVIL???" im like "no dude" and she says "ok me neither" and she gets up, kisses me on the head and leaves..... WTF IS THAT SHIT?! my mom hasnt kissed me since i was little. last time i tried to give her a hug she pulled away.... she knows i dont believe in god or the devil so why would she do that?? drunk maybe? and ever since i got sick shes been talking to me like im 7 fucking years old. "do you need anything?? what are you doing?? dont you wanna take a little nap??" Its like mother im 17 fucking years old i can tell if im hungry or tired or need advil WITHOUT your help, ok? i dunno shes just acting seriously weird and i want to get out. this is basically the longest ive ever stayed in this house straight. i usually leave at LEAST once a day and now im here 24/7. i want to go out and see everyone and play with boys. And also i want some god damn cheesecake.... and snacks and stuff. Someone wanna come snuggle me??
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Sunday, September 12th, 2004

Subject:its cute
Time:1:02 am.
Mood: thirsty.
beautiful and kind
a warm and helpful smile.
holding you behing closed doors
i love you all the while.
did u know ive never been this happy
just lying next to you?
a sweet melting sensation
heavy hands feel me through.
romantic talk,
sudden utter silence.
express my love in words
...in what may seem like violence.
blood that tastes like sugar
whens mine always tasted like death.
light and simple cuts
not meant to compromise health.
living on your heart beat,
your breathe blowing in my ear.
so scared i could someday lose you
so much more void of fear.
probably a better person
almost sure its true.
if not better, happier.
cant say much more than, i love you.
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LiveJournal for fetuseater4life.

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